thoughts page

friends

i started talking to people online in 2017 through some chatting apps i had around that time. since then i met many new faces, but most just came and went. either i lost contact with them due to things going down, or they just stopped talking to me because they got busy with life and moved on or vise versa. the latest group of friends and acquaintances i met came from 2020-2023, and after that was another revolving door of connections, i started to realize that when youre in a community of sorts you really start to see who is friends with who. everyone is in their own groups with their own close friends. and like, anyone in the general community can hangout together but you can tell who is close and who isnt. and my connections not being that strong with some people might be partially my fault since i dont reach out a whole lot with them, but they also dont either so its kind of awkward.

just last year i used to get real upset about the fact that i dont have as many friends as others do. i no longer try to get involved in communities anymore due to problems ive had with them in the past, so i dont have a whole lot of people to talk to on a daily basis. and that used to make me feel pretty awful.

but for some reason, nowadays i dont even think about that stuff anymore. i guess ive gotten so busy with my personal life and personal journey with things that i dont care much about the small amount of people i know. i dont compare what i have to others anymore. i dont even know what changed- i never did anything differently to get rid of that feeling or anything. it just happened one day i guess.

at the end of the day, i realize that i dont have to be this real popular person to be happy. i dont need to be constantly surrounded by people in order to feel like i have a purpose in life. i think im really gonna start taking things slow and focusing on me and my personal goals and reaching them one by one. i already feel like said goals are starting to fall into place bit by bit each day! i just have to be patient and keep taking small steps for myself and my future.

change

this month has been interesting so far. 2 weeks ago i spent time away from home for a while and it was nice, but now im back home and things are back to how they were before. wont say too much here, but ive been needing a change for so long. these past few months have been the same old same old for the most part and im so eager for a change. since this tuesday ive been making small steps towards big changes for my future, and i have to say im pretty excited about it! maybe once everything falls into place ill write something about it here later on.