Entry 9                                              apr 3

been forever since i last wrote any journal entries here. honestly, i didnt know what to write about- a lot happened since the last entries i wrote. art related things and life related things took up my time these past few months.

web update


yesterday i finally finished fixing the pictures of every page of my website. my entire site broke a few months back because i used discord to host my pictures lol. earlier this year discord had an update that made it so all pictures hosted through the app and posted on separate websites would expire, and that pretty much broke everything on my site. i figured the discord method was a fine idea at first because other neocities websites used that same strategy, but after this whole mess ill be hosting pictures elsewhere from now on.



the future

i recently decided to stop attending college after going to it since the middle of 2021. since the beginning i never liked it and it felt like i was just doing it because i had to and not because i wanted to. school environments in general are something that i never want to return to. so i dont think i ever wouldve really enjoyed college….which was just more school. so i decided to just stop forcing myself to go to college when i didnt care at all for it, and it feels so freeing. now i can focus on other things in life and im looking forward to what happens. ive already started making a little something happen in the background, so i hope i can do something big with it! maybe ill write about it here someday.

Entry 10                                              apr 4

time


its already thursday, april 4th. geez- why does time go by so fast?? im glad that tomorrow is friday but sometimes i cant help but think about how time just seems to slip away every day. i wake up, its somehow already 5pm and then not too long later its time to go back to sleep. sometimes i feel like theres not enough time in a day and i end up wishing for more. maybe theres a solution for all of this

being a sensitive person


not too long ago sometime this evening i played one of my current fav online games. i was bored and needed something to do to keep me engaged. but i forget that the best way to have fun playing is only playing with friends because- playing with random people can lead to anything. im usually completely silent when playing with strangers but this time i decided to open my mouth when someone asked a question and i kind of answered without thinking much. i didnt say anything bad but what i said wasnt a really great answer to the person asking the question. then after that two other random people were rude to me for being wrong- even though it was an innocent mistake from me. at first i was really bothered by this..people being jerks to me for no reason always gets me annoyed and ruins my mood. im someone whos sensitive and never learned how to deal with situations like this so it can make me react emotionally if im not careful, and situations would end up staying in my mind for a whole day after they happened.

its been like an hour since that whole thing happened and i dont really care that much anymore lol. i know ill just forget these people existed tomorrow. but overall in the end things like this remind me that i have work to do. i really have to put thinking before i speak into practice to make sure that i dont get myself into situations like this again- i also have to consider if its even worth speaking to certain people, because there are some that just want to argue and “win” arguments. they arent worth even engaging with in the first place.

growing up, i used to be really ashamed of my sensitivity. i was told and shown that it was a “bad” thing and i should get thicker skin, or whatever. id see people give advice about “how to not give a f about what people say”, and it never really..worked for me. trying to force myself to not be a sensitive person got me no where. you cant really force yourself to be something youre not. recently i started to see other people who were sensitive just like me, and it made me realize that i dont have to be ashamed about my sensitivity. i dont think its something that i have to force myself to get rid of. but rather its something ill have to find a way to work around and well get comfortable with.

Entry 11                                              apr 5

i think one day in the future im going to stop using the internet almost completely aside for things like discord to talk to my friends, my neocities, and other specific things. its something ive been considering for the past year or so. the net has a lot of cool things that you cant find in real life, but it also has a lot of messed up shit that you can find without even looking for it. it happened to me earlier today and man is that stuff draining. one moment i was browsing through cute art and then the next i end up down a rabbit hole that i DONT want to mention here. and now im just trying to process it all . i know real life also has screwed up stuff but its just insane how easy it is to find on the net. and it can be really unhealthy, honestly. so im planning to take a permanent hiatus from being online someday because i know it isnt something ill always want to interact with.

Entry 12 - eclipse                                   apr 8

today i got to see a total eclipse! it was the first time i had ever seen anything like it in person. i learned about how eclipses worked years ago but i was only able to see pictures of them. but actually seeing it happen in real time was really cool. it really hits different experiencing a once in a lifetime thing for yourself.

so many people were focused on the eclipse at once and it was something i wasnt used to. it was all over the news and there were people from other countries and states that came out to my home area j u s t to see it. seeing everyone come out to see something cool like this was a nice experience! people from all over focusing on something fun and positive isnt something i see often. overall it was a really pleasant thing to experience :>